So Complicated
by mamageek
Summary: When Jack returns after being stranded with Maybourne in 6x15, Sam is relieved. But what will happen now?
1. Reunion

Note: Set immediately after 6x15, goes AU after that point. Usual disclaimers apply, I own nothing, I promise to play nice and put them back when I'm done. :D

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><p>Sam paced anxiously as they awaited the Tok'ra's signal.<p>

"Something the matter, Major?" General Hammond asked.

"No Sir. Sorry." Sam said, forcing herself to remain still. The Tok'ra were due any minute. Suddenly, the huge ring began to activate.

"Code coming in, Sir, it's the Tok'ra."

"Open the iris."

Sam, Teal'c, Jonas, and General Hammond moved quickly down into the Gate Room as the iris finished swirling open, revealing the blue wormhole beneath. Seconds later, Jack walked through accompanied by Jacob Carter. Sam broke from the line, walking towards her dad but staring over his shoulder directly at Jack.

"Dad." She said, giving Jacob a hug.

"Hi, Sam. Brought someone back." Sam grinned.

"Thank you for bringing him home," she said softly as she hugged him. Jacob raised an eyebrow as he hugged his daughter, noting the tone of her voice. Sam stepped back.

"Welcome home, Sir," she said, looking at Jack carefully, as if to make sure he was unharmed. "We've...all missed you." There was a slight catch in her voice after the first word as she recalled her earlier breakdown in Teal'c's arms.

"Thanks, Carter. Glad to be back." Jack's voice was casual but there was relief written all over his face. Everyone else approached.

"Welcome back, Colonel," said General Hammond. "Jacob. Thanks for picking him up."

"Glad we could help. I've got to get going." Jacob said, smiling at them all before turning to make a quick departure through the gate.

"Colonel, I think you've been through quite enough recently. Get some rest. We'll debrief in the morning and then you'll be off duty for at least three days."

"I really don't think-" Jack started.

"That's an order, Colonel." Hammond said in his most no-nonsense voice.

"Yes, Sir." Jack said.

"SG-1, you're all dismissed." They nodded and left the gate room.

Sam paced her quarters for an hour before throwing a sweatshirt over the jogging pants and tank top that served as her pyjamas and heading for Jack's. Their quarters were not far apart and less than five minutes from the time she'd made her decision, she was standing in front of his door. Now that she was there, she was starting to regret it, but she felt compelled. She had to know for herself that he was really okay. She raised her hand and knocked lightly, hoping he wasn't asleep yet. He answered quickly, wearing the flannel pants and t-shirt he kept on base as pyjamas in case he decided to stay there instead of going home.

"Carter," he said. Sam looked at him carefully.

"Sir," she said softly, taking him in. His hair was mussed from being towel-dried after his shower. "Sorry for coming by so late. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"It's not late, Carter. C'mon in." He pulled the door open further and stepped aside to allow her entry. Sam followed him in and he closed the door behind her.

"How are you?" she asked, feeling awkward now that she was there.

"I'm okay." Jack said. "Really," he added, noticing the look of concern still causing Sam's brow to furrow.

"You were gone so long." The words slipped out before Sam could stop them.

"But I'm back. And I'm ok, Carter. Sam. I'm okay." Her head snapped up when she heard him use her first name. He was standing a few feet away from her and she crossed over to him quickly, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly. She buried her face in his neck as he returned her hug, holding her tightly against his chest.

"I was so worried," she said. "I know. I'm not allowed to be. I shouldn't have been. But..." she trailed off as she clung to him, gripping the back of his t-shirt.

"I missed you too." Jack pulled her tighter. "God, I missed you." Sam looked up at his face. Her eyes were damp. Jack swiped below her eye gently with the pad of a thumb. "Don't cry." The words seemed hollow but he didn't know what else to say. His hand stayed on her cheek, gently cupping her face in his hands as they stood there for a full minute simply holding each other.

"Sir, I..."

"Don't. Sam. Please." Jack's voice was ragged. "Don't 'Sir' me. I think we both know that we are way beyond that at this point."

"Jack." His first name crossed her lips slowly, reluctantly. She was so unaccustomed to using it. He was staring into her eyes and Sam was sure he was going to see straight into her, his gaze was so intense. Almost unconsciously, her hand slid from his shoulder up the back of his neck to grip his short hair. The hand still on her back tangled in her top and Jack bent his head down to kiss her. The kiss was brief but intense, a desperate plea made by them both. When they broke apart, they stayed in the same position, just holding each other, until Sam's face dropped into Jack's chest again.

"Stay with me." Jack murmured, his voice low and rough. "I swear, I'm not coming on to you. I just...stay. Please, Sam." His voice was pleading in her ear. "In the morning we can be Carter and Sir again if you want. But for tonight...stay. Be Sam. Let me be Jack." Sam clung to his shirt as though he was going to vanish from within her arms if she didn't hold on tightly enough. A month had been far, far too long.

"I'll stay." Sam said. "I don't think I could go if I tried." She looked up at him and their lips met again, much more slowly this time.

The alarm went off too early. Jack groaned and reached behind him to slap it off impatiently before rolling back to retake Sam in his arms. She rolled over to face him, glancing over his shoulder at the time to confirm she'd gotten up early enough. Her hand stroked his cheek lightly.

"I have to go. If I don't leave now, people will be starting to move around base."

"Screw 'em." Jack said, eyes still closed as he pulled her closer. Sam smiled.

"I have to go." Her voice was gentle and very reluctant. Jack opened his eyes.

"You'll be at the briefing," it wasn't a question.

"I'll be there." she nodded. "I'll see you in a couple of hours. " She pressed her lips to his forehead before meeting his in one more kiss. They pressed their foreheads together, Sam fighting against herself to roll over and leave the bed.

"I love you." Jack said. "I know I can't tell you this. But I do. And I'm not risking something like this last month again without you knowing it."

"I know." Sam replied softly, her hand grazing his cheek again. "I knew. I...love you too." She kissed him softly, briefly, one more time before rolling herself out of the bed and forcing her body to leave Jack's quarters.


	2. Promises

The briefing, as expected, took awhile. It wasn't a quick matter to cover what was essentially a month-long mission. When they finally finished, General Hammond stood up.

"Okay Colonel, thank you. You're officially off-duty for three days. We'll reassess at that time. Get some rest. SG-1, without Colonel O'Neill on duty I won't be sending you offworld ,and I'm sure you are all due for some leave anyway. You'll be off duty for the same time as he will." The team nodded their understanding. "Thank you. You're dismissed. See you in a few days." He left the briefing room, followed closely by the members of SG1. Jack found himself walking next to Sam.

"Rest well, Sir." Her voice was soft as she walked beside him, matching his stride.

"I'm not tired, Sam. I slept better last night than I have in, well...awhile." He didn't feel the need to point out that it was her presence that had induced the most pleasant sleep he could remember. He dropped his voice so that Daniel and Teal'c, a few meters ahead of them, couldn't hear.

"Come over. We'll talk." Sam shook her head before he finished speaking

"I don't think that's a good idea." Jack looked confused.

"Carter, what..." he trailed off, not even sure what he wanted to ask. What was wrong? What did she mean? He didn't know.

"I'm sorry, Sir. But I just...I can't." Sam's voice was low and shaky as she sped up her steps to pass him. Jack stopped for a minute, confused, as he watched her disappear from his sight.

The first full day of his leave, Jack awoke early despite his broken sleep the night before. When he saw exactly how early it was, he swore to himself and threw his head backwards into the pillow in frustration but he knew it was no use. He rolled out of bed, dug out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and decided to go for a run in the hopes that the cold air of the morning would help to wake him up as well as clear his head.

He returned forty-five minutes later much more awake but no less confused by Carter's actions the day before. She'd left in the morning telling him she loved him. Then, after the briefing...nothing. Not the slightest hint of emotion. Well, except for when it sounded like she wanted to cry...but he had no idea what might have brought that on. He knew he'd said they could go back to being Carter and Sir, but he'd be lying to himself if he said he'd thought she'd pull that much of an about face. He put on a pot of coffee to brew while he went to take a shower while he tried to decide if he was going to call her.

The phone was mocking him. Little white bastard, he was pretty sure it knew what he was going through. He would reach for it, then pull his hand away. He sat there for twenty minutes, his coffee getting cold in his cup while he debated whether or not to pick up the phone and dial her too-familiar number. Finally he caved.

"Hello?" Her voice sounded exhausted, and he suddenly felt uncomfortable.

"Hi, Carter." _Smooth,_ he thought to himself. "Uh, I didn't wake you up, did I?" He heard her sigh.

"No, Sir. Just didn't sleep very well. Something I can do for you?"

"I'd like to get together with you. Coffee, or something. One of our places, or we can go out somewhere if you want to keep things public. It doesn't matter. I just...need to see you. I need to talk to you." He knew he sounded desperate. He didn't care anymore. There was a long pause before she answered.

"Come over around ten." She said. He looked at the clock. Nine a.m.

"Ten. Sure." He tried to keep his voice steady when he said, "Thanks, Sam."

"I'll see you in an hour, Sir."

"See you then." He pressed the button to end the call and set the phone down. He rinsed his mug in the sink, stuck it in the dishwasher, and went to watch half an hour of something mindless on TV until he could reasonably leave for Sam's house.

At 9:59 he was standing on Sam's doorstep, fidgeting. He hadn't been this uncomfortable at a woman's house since he was about fifteen. "Get a grip, O'Neill. It's Carter." he mumbled to himself as he raised a fist to knock on the door. He stood there for an extended minute and was just trying to decide if he should knock again when the door opened.

She was dressed casually in jeans and a light sweater. Her hair was still damp from her shower that morning. She looked exhausted.

She was beautiful.

"Hi," was all he said.

"Hi, sir." Came the response as she stepped back slightly to allow him room to enter. "Come on in. I made coffee."

"Thanks, Carter." He stepped in after her and quickly shed his shoes. He hadn't bothered with a jacket. He followed her into the kitchen and they each took a seat on opposite sides of her table after pouring coffee for themselves. They sat in silence for what felt to Jack like hours, avoiding eye contact and squirming slightly.

"I'm sorry you didn't sleep well," was the first thing Jack thought to say. "I had a rough night too."

"Sorry to hear that." Her voice was soft as she stared directly into her coffee cup, as though the dark liquid was the key to some huge revelation.

"Sam." He tried to keep his voice gentle. "Look at me." She pulled her eyes up to his reluctantly.

"What's going on?" he asked her, shocked when he saw her beautiful blue eyes shimmering with tears.

"I can't do it, Jack." Her voice was shaking and she looked away from him again.

"Can't do...what?" he asked, his voice level.

"I have to turn it off. All of it. I thought maybe I could do this halfway. I can't." Her voice choked. "The other night..." her voice trailed off as though she couldn't finish her sentence.

"Was amazing." Jack finished for her. She nodded, and he saw her mouth turn up in a smile. But then she looked up at him and he saw that the tears he'd seen well up in her eyes had begun to fall silently.

"It was. I was...so happy, Jack. I was finally so happy. But it was a mistake." she shook her head. "We can't. And we both know that and I can't...can't take that. We have to be just Carter and Sir. I can handle that. Sort of." She wiped below her eyes lightly with the heel of her hand. "Sorry," she said.

"Carter...Sam. Don't. Don't apologise for crying."

"Please don't call me Sam, Sir." she said, her breath hitching.

"Sam." he said. "Sam. Sam. Sam." She buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking. Jack stood up and walked around the table, pulling her into his arms. She struggled slightly, but her resolve was weakening and when he tightened his hold on her she melted into his embrace, breaking down against his chest. His hand rubbed slow circles on her back, comforting her until her sobs slowed. Her hands gripped his t-shirt, clinging to him as though she was afraid he would disappear.

When she had mostly calmed herself, her breath only slightly ragged as he held her against his chest, he relaxed his grip slightly.

"Sam. Look at me." he said gently, placing a finger under her chin and tipping her face upwards. He looked carefully into her eyes, making sure he had her full attention.

"I'm retiring." She blinked.

"You...what?" she asked. "Sir, you can't..."

"Sam. It's me. Please, for heaven's sake stop calling me Sir. I'm retiring. I've decided. Hell, I thought I was retired six years ago. Clearly that didn't work out, and thank God for that, but this is it. This is the last of it. I'm retiring, Sam. I'm done."

"I don't want you to do this because of me." she said softly. "I know how much SG-1 means to you."

"It means a lot to me. But you mean a lot more, Sam. You have for a long time." She opened her mouth again and Jack knew she was about to protest. He placed a finger over her mouth. "Sam. Last night was the worst one I've had in a long time. When I was stranded on that moon, I survived on thoughts of you. I knew I had to get back. To see you. Last night? I didn't know if you were mad at me, if you were mad at yourself, if you ever wanted to see me again. It was the worst night I've had in several years." He shook his head. "I'm really not good at this talking thing. You know that. But Sam. If my choice is retiring or losing you...well, it's really no choice at all. I'm giving Hammond my letter first thing when I'm back on base." Sam's mouth had formed a small 'o' of surprise at his speech. "We don't have to move fast, Sam. I'm not asking you to move in or anything. But I can't spend another night thinking that maybe you don't want me after all." Sam shook her head.

"That wasn't it at all." Her voice was barely a whisper. "I wanted you too badly. I wanted to fall asleep beside you again. I wanted...it all. All of it. But I knew I couldn't be greedy. Couldn't jeopardize both of our careers just because I'm a sap and selfish and wanted you for myself." His fingers traced her cheeks carefully as he cupped her face in his hands.

"Well that's not an issue now, is it?" he asked, searching her face for a sign.

"I...I guess not..." she whispered shakily. "Jack..." his name left her lips reluctantly again. "Are you...positive about this?" she asked.

"I don't remember the last time I was so positive about something." Jack said, his voice firm. "I want this, Sam. I want you. And I'll do whatever it takes to prove that to you." Her breath hitched again as he lowered his lips to hers, kissing her gently, keeping it brief. She smiled slowly, cautiously, as he lifted his head again.

"So...what now?" she asked, sounding more than a little nervous. Jack grinned.

"Now...I guess we talk. Figure stuff out." he said happily. "You're really okay with this Sam?"

She nodded. "I...yes. I'm scared. But...I'm happy. We only spent one night together, but I felt so alone last night, knowing I couldn't have you ever again." Her voice was slow. He knew how hard confessions like this were for her, the strong, emotionless, good-soldier act so much a part of who she was now.

"Never again, Sam." He dropped his forehead to hers and looked carefully into her eyes. "Anytime you want me. Anytime at all."


End file.
